Written by: Allie Lotzgeselle
On September 7th, 2013 I had the most amazing, emotional, and humbling experience of my life. On that date, two years ago today, I got to marry my soulmate. The most unbelievable human being I had ever come into contact with vowed to love me for who I am for all of eternity. Now, I am not someone who believes that the wedding itself carries much value. I loved my wedding and wouldn’t change a thing, but the outcome of a wedding, the marriage itself, is all that really matters. In hindsight, getting married at the courthouse would have absolutely meant just as much as the wedding we did have. In fact, it probably would have been better considering how little time the couple actually gets to spend together on their wedding day! The stress, effort, time and money that people commit to a day that amounts to an overpriced party thrown for dozens of other people is quite ridiculous in my point of view. I understand it fully- I spent a year planning my wedding and loved every second of it, but it really is absurd that as a society we put more emphasis on the party than the actual intent of said party. With that being said, every day since my husband and I started dating nearly 6 years ago has been a dream come true. Every second since the moment we got married two years ago today, has been a fairy tale. I wake up every morning knowing that I have captured that one in a million (billion?) opportunity to marry the one human being ever to walk this earth that I was truly created for. We have more fun together than I ever thought possible, and we truly make each other better people.
The one single downside to being married is that everyone you come into contact with instantly believes they have a right to ask you when you are going to get pregnant. Rarely have we come into contact with anyone over the past 2 years that has not asked when we are planning to have kids- this is true for strangers and friends. I think that since I’m 26, it seems like a bit of a rush for people to be throwing out that very personal question so soon. Growing up I was very close to an aunt who never wanted to get married, and never wanted to have kids. She and my uncle were together for more than 20 years until he passed away from cancer in 2007. She never regretted not having children with him because she never wanted to be a mother. While she and I have differing opinions on many life matters, I absorbed her offense to people asking such a private question. Since the day my husband and I have gotten married no one has ever asked us IF we want to have kids, just when we are going to have them. While I have always wanted children, I did not get married for that purpose and had my husband not wanted children I would have married him anyway because that is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The past few years, I have begun to get secretly offended when people ask me when I am going to get pregnant because, again, no one is asking me if we even want children, they are just assuming. Even after we tell them “we are planning to start trying June of 2015” (as if it is anyone else’s business when my husband and I are going to copulate and reproduce) they will still ask us regularly and assume we are trying at every turn. When we went to Europe back in September of 2014, everyone was convinced we were going to try to conceive. They just ignored our very clear “there is no chance we will get pregnant then” and still had it in their minds that we would announce to the world upon our return that I was knocked up. Low and behold, we were right. No attempt was made to get pregnant and we had an amazing trip.
Then, earlier this year something we had never thought about entered in to the picture. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and told that getting pregnant would not be easy. My doctors told me that we should give it a year of trying then look into our fertility coverage and options. This came as a bit of a shock at first. Everyone can have kids, right? No. Very, very wrong. We soon discovered that many couple struggle for a variety of different reasons, and we even found out we had several good friends that had been trying to conceive without success for years and that we too could be part of that group. At this point, we of course both became offended when people continued to berate us with the incredibly private question about when we were going to get pregnant. It was now a reminder that we were maybe unable rather than unwilling to answer this. I don’t necessarily want to be an astronaut, but I also don’t want to be told I CAN’T be an astronaut. I was able to come to terms with the thought of not having children; it was more troubling that my desire to have something was being taken out of my control.
My husband and I sat down after the bad news and tried to figure out where we stood on the new information. We figured we would still plan to start trying June of this year, but if pregnancy wasn’t in the cards for us naturally, we did not want to go through invitro or the adoption process. We were still early on so who knows if after 5 years of no luck we would have looked at other options, but for now we decided we would just be okay. We started to plan more European vacations and focused on the fact that a lot of the people close to us have children so we would still get to see and be a part of their milestones.
Then the calendar hit June 1st. We didn’t want to go crazy trying. No ovulation tests, no headstands, no crystals or prayers. I just ditched the birth control and we stopped trying not to get pregnant. It was casual and there was not too much pressure because based on what our doctors had told us, we would be spending at least the next year trying to get pregnant while likely not succeeding. About a week or so in I took a pregnancy test. Negative. Of course it was negative- even if we were pregnant, it would still have taken more than a week for all the nitty gritty to happen and for my body to create enough pregnancy hormones to actually produce a positive test. It was not a disappointment because it really was what we were expecting.
A few weeks later we had plans to go out with my sister, who had recently returned from a semester abroad in Sydney, and the new boyfriend she met while over there that came out to visit. We were going to this amazing little Italian place in North Park that offers not only some of the best Italian food I’ve ever had in my life, but a very cheap corkage fee. Knowing that there would be some vino flowing, I figured, why not take another pregnancy test- of course it will be negative, but better safe than sorry, right? Well, imagine my utter surprise and shock when I looked down and almost instantly saw a POSITIVE! My husband was out playing basketball with friends, so being alone I had no clue how to react. I had a huge smile on my face and a big pit in my stomach because it was hard not being able to say something to the one person I needed to tell. Although I do consider myself intelligent enough to know that it is near impossible to have a false positive, I quickly chugged a bottle of water to take another test- just to be certain. A few hours later my husband came back and I could FINALLY tell him our good news. We were both very emotional and ecstatic, but considering the fact that we were told it would take us so long to get pregnant, we didn’t want to get too optimistic. After a few weeks, some hormone testing and a sizing appointment we could finally say that we were and are very much pregnant!
Whether it was the lack of stress and expectations or something more, we were lucky enough to get pregnant after just a few tries. I am right around 14 weeks, and we are incredibly excited to meet our little bundle of joy in early March of next year! While this certainly changes some of our upcoming vacations and plans, we are happy to have them changed and look forward to the incredible challenge and experience to come.
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