You’ve heard of people not wanting to belong to anyone. I understand that. There’s a freedom in such a saying. A freedom and a loneliness. I have no problem “belonging” to someone who doesn’t look at me as a possession. Belonging to someone can be completely out of love, it can come from the best place and leaves you with the best feeling. I’m of the same notion in that I don’t have to belong to any place.
My father was called to ministry in the 80’s. He’s always been someone who does what he loves, so it was no surprise when he wanted to uproot his entire family to another country. Once moving to Pasadena we didn’t stop moving throughout middle school and then when high school was over, there was a move again. Once I moved out of my parents place, living on my own I moved 3 times in 3 years. It was due to job transfers and wanting new and different things. Then I began dating Jeff. I’ve been with Jeff for over eight years. In this time frame, we’ve moved five times together. You read that right: five. It’s unusual for some. I’ve been deemed “a gypsy” by many friends, I get it. I get it guys! 😉
I love that I have found someone who is just like me when it comes to not being attached to structures, places.. walls. Let’s face it. We all know of people (or this could be you) who get so damn attached to a place due to a memory or a passing of a loved one or ..well all the sentimental reasoning behind a place. Jeff’s father was in the military and his mother left when he was very young. As a child, my husband had to move from one place to the next, constantly, while his father seemed to go from one wife to the next, constantly. The only thing consistent in our lives was the inconsistency – so when Jeff was old enough, he packed up his car and drove across the country from North Carolina to California. His father even told him, “might as well do this while you’re young!” I don’t think he knew that his boy would never be moving back to North Carolina. Jeff settled in San Diego for a while. Then I entered in to his life and it was change after change, but we were together. We agreed to become the consistency in each others’ lives, while the world around us continued spinning.
I can understand and sympathize with how people can get so stuck on a home/place because of whatever memory spanning from:
- where you were raised
- the place where ___ took their first steps, the place where you took ___ home from the hospital
- where a loved one died
There are those who move from places for reasons like: death, divorce, or too many “bad memories.”
While I understand having those aches and loves for a place due to a memory or a person, I am so grateful that because of our upbringing, I don’t have the attachment. I can look back at a place and smile as I think about the memory, but that’s the beauty of a memory.. it’s created regardless of the space you’re in. A beautiful memory and moment can happen anywhere, as with a horrible memory or moment. You actually get no say in where they’re created. You have no choice, you did nothing and it will happen either way. As corny as it sounds, as long as Jeff and I are together with the kids, we are home. This is also why when I am living somewhere, I live ready to go at a moments notice. This last move we had was actually the first place where we did a decent amount of decorating, but with every hole I put in to the wall I cringe a little thinking, “I’m gonna have to seal up this shit when we leave.” See that? It’s when we leave, not if. I am my father’s daughter. I am called to live where it is important to live, not where it is comfortable to live. Actually, my siblings and I have this in common.. wow, the one thing we have in common! We are more than accepting of change as a part of life, and we adapt to new surroundings easily. Many of my friends don’t understand this, some do and wouldn’t want it for themselves. Some shake their heads in disbelief. That is okay. Your life is yours. Your comforts are yours. This is only insight in to why I am the way I am, why my husband and I are so open to new. I’ve heard it often, “Talia, don’t you wanna settle down? Don’t you want a place of your own? A place to call your own?” The answer is yes and no. I won’t lie and say that I don’t think about what life would be like if Jeff and I just stopped. Settled somewhere and stayed.
Then I think about it for more than 5 minutes and I start getting antsy like I would want to leave. I’m this way with cars too. I’ve never had a car for more than 3 years. Too many miles=too many problems. I view it as a THING. I can look back and think about a favorite car and smile because yeah, fun memories.. but to keep it because of a memory? -_- Please, are you joking? Which reminds me.. I’m coming up on 3 years with that VW Routtan, time to start hunting.
Life couldn’t be this way for me if my partner in life felt the opposite. I will admit, having Jeff be so open and having the same views helps, but I don’t think we would have lasted long in the dating process if he was of that other mindset. It just worked. Marriage is that commitment, so you better know who you’re marrying before you seal the deal. If you’re of this gypsy-mentality, don’t go marrying someone who can’t leave an area because their favorite uncle died there. Unless you’re willing to change your will and mindset, don’t you dare make that age-old mistake where you think they will change for you. You will be sorely depressed.
I feel bad for those who cannot find it in them to explore and envision themselves in a different place because of a sentiment. Really.. how can you allow that to hold you back and not live? Think of it this way, would you want your future offspring to have that same mentality? If you died in your home, would you want your child to feel that burden of having to stay there because they are so stuck on the fact that you passed away in the room upstairs? I would want to haunt the place just to slap my kid and tell them WAKE UP! LIVE YOUR LIFE! I’M DEAD, NOT YOU! Seriously Amelia and Sebastian if you are reading this, don’t you ever, EVER stay in a space because you think my dead self will be disturbed if you leave. You do what is best for you and your families, and I will watch with such pride. Same goes with furniture kiddos. Please, by all means, sell what you need to, keep what you need to. If it was mom’s beloved writing desk and your new home calls for you to have a smaller desk, get rid of it. Don’t go storing it either and paying for storage on the in case that you might use it, unless you have the means and it’s not a burden on you or your spouses. I love you both so much that I cannot allow you to do that to yourselves. Life is not about paying for the roof over your head and not enjoying. If opportunity knocks, know how to recognize that and roll with it!
We are coming to a place in our lives where I am getting that ache to move again. This time I know it has to be for at least five years. Amelia just started kindergarten and even though I want her to have this same spirit as I do to where she doesn’t have to feel attached to a place, I am getting older and cannot deal with the stresses of too much moving along with school changes. But there’s change blowin’ in the wind.. and it’s exciting for us.
Who knows what next year is going to look like. We look at options with excitement. We can still laugh and roll our eyes when we say things like, “settle down” because Jeff knows that all it means is I want there to be a photo wall and a coffee bar installed. Everything else can go or stay and we are good with it. I think having kids is what “settles” us, to a point.
Here’s a story to illustrate:
Once upon a time, there was a man who decided he desired enlightenment. So he decided to give away all he had and move into a cave until he was enlightened. Soon, bugs started crawling in his crotch, disturbing his meditations, so he decided to go into town and beg for just enough money to buy a loincloth. Satisfied, he returned to his cave to meditate. Soon after, he discovered his loincloth was becoming smelly and filthy and it needed to be washed, taking time away from his meditations. He decided to hire someone to wash his loincloth, so he went back to town to beg for money so he could hire someone to wash his loincloth, plus extra money for a new loincloth to use while his old one was being washed. Of course, all of this begging and hiring of a wash person took time away from his meditations, and the noise the washing person made disturbed his meditations, so he was constantly trying to hire someone new. He finally found someone, but the new person noticed he was skinny as a rail and would not survive the winter without blankets, fire and food, and being the compassionate sort, his new hire brought the man all he needed. Now the man began to love his new washer person and decided to marry. The man now has a home in a cave and is working in the village to support his new lifestyle. So much for enlightenment.
This is why we get attached to people and things. Kind of silly in the end, isn’t it?
**Below are some photos of Jeff and I from this past weekend. We were in Downtown Summerlin enjoying the brisk weather there. Stopped in to this place called Public School (I know there’s one in LA too so you gotta try it!) – the food was fantastic!
^Jeff ordered the Shepherd’s Pie.. oh man. So so good!
This Nutella Ice Cream Cookie Sandwich with Bacon Brittle around was worth the entire visit. Our ribs hurt from eating it but it was so amazing.
All content and images copyright TheSisterFiles©2015 and cannot be used without expressed permission.
Photography by: Jeff and Talia Cruz